: this pictures that i have posted is all happened during the "Farewell" and "thanks giving prayer/ doa kesyukuran:
:this pictures has its own place in my brain cell n deep inside my heart sincerely saying my friends i am so honoured i am so thankfull that ALLAH had given me a chance to know all of you:
: frankly saying that i do really meant it when i say I LOVE YOU my dear friends:
:besides from my family many of you had made me stronger every each day, you were there whenever i need you, always been a good listener, good companion, so many words to describe your kindness:
:pearls from my eyes sometimes crawlings on my cheeks just b'coz I MISS YOU MY FRIENDS and I NEED YOUR JOKES AND SMILES THAT BRINGS SUNSHINE TO MY DAY:
:friends and people i've read alot about people born in june, unfortunately am 1 of those people, it is said people born in june is very sensitive....... do you agree with that:
:2008 wasn't so much a victory to me except that i've finally reach my final year of ND but yet am still glad with what i have am still happy:
:2009 is here infront of me, i have put a tremendous hard thoughts of how my journey would be? how hard would life challenge me?:
:now after this line is part of what i write in my journal:-
- viewers and friends some of you might know this already and some of you don't..... as i said this blog i create it to allow you to see a little bits of my life and help me grow...... also i don't really like to keep thoughts that could be a burden to me and amputate my strength and spirits.
-i had live with anger, am not sure how many years i had it in me
-my life timeline is normal for some of you but yet it affected my emotions so bad it has a side effects on my perspectives towards life, it made me irresponsible towards my life, self destruction
-its all started when my parents divorce, then my late mother converts to muslim,my late mother gettin married, my mother died, my dad brings a lady home and be a part of our family, then my disciplines problems
-the anger in me which maybe my parents had realise or not or just watch me with one eye open...... made me confused made me hate life made me see how cruel life had treats me
-they never communicate with me very well they always expect me to understands things happen around me through time that passes by. i mean maybe they thought i would understand and accept changes after some time.....
-but don't they think how long can it be....... as i said it years.. not second..minutes..hours...days...months... it take it with me year after another year
-am very closed with my dad..very very....that i don't like to share him with anyone else except ofcourse my two beloved brothers. i dont know maybe i was afraid to loose his attention... yes my needs in physically is all perfectly prepared...education..house...bed... there is no doubt about this part... he's a wonderfull man a hardworking dad a loving dad very protective towards us... what i need is his attention towards my emotions.
-i've tried so hard all this years to accept my late mother destiny and even harder on trying to accept my step mother with all my heart
-she is fine loving fun step mother but the problem is still till this date i can't accept her with my whole heart . but am better than before.. so many things happened to me in this last 4 years that made me see her in a positive it helps me alot ........
-reading news paper every day and read an article about somebody lost their love one's due to war, natural disaster,crime and etc made me think and imagine myself in their life status...... which obviously is far more painfull than mine, challenging than mine. how bad is their emotions disturbed?
-last few months i confessed to a cute guy... he's totally real cute guy....responsible son and brother.... cute smile...funny...happy go lucky...energetic.....respect ladies....love foods and music....we agree to so many things..... but sadly i was rejected.. but he reject me in a nice and beautifull way which is less painfull but i cried....i was rejected because of my past life doesn't impress him... i don't blame him... i believe everyone has rights to judge some one is a better life partner or not!!! he's a good man he deserve a good lady
-since the night of rejection....it had awaken my anger that just stays with me..... it shakes my confidence... challenge my emotion....drown me in negative energy
-untill one day i decided to get myself busy thinking that the anger will dissolves with times.... but still its burning tremendously......
-along with that i regretted that i had confessed to him because it slightly ruined our wonderfull friendship.....
-every day i think very deep why? how? am so unlucky! am not happy! life is unfair to me!
-why do i have to live with my anger another year??? i want to stop this and i dont want to run away from it by thinking it will fade as time passes by..... coz its proven it never does...
-2 final weeks of 2008 december i decided to do morning & afternoon walk....else then exercising i think i would be able to calms myself and cleans my anger....
-as i walk i enjoy the view of the sky formation of the clouds, fresh air, birds flying, sounds of insects, snails crossing the roads, meeting strangers, sprayed by waterfall mist, made me see how great and beautifull ALLAH creatures and creations..... life is not that bad..... life is wonderfull in some other way......
-suddenly i figured it out..... why is my life challenged? why my parents divorce? why i have stepmother? why my love life never suceeded? not exactly that i had the answers its just that..... i don't know i feel as if the waterfall,sky,clouds,insects,air, had sucks,filtered all the negative energy that have been inside me for so many years and replaced it with positive energy. i just don't know how to explain, but the fact is it does helps me
-i don't know maybe it started out in my pillates class too where i learn that i could do something which i never thought that i could be doing it.... i learn to focus and control..... i learn to believe my own strength.... understand my body....
-i slowly from now on learn to forgive myself, love myself, compassionate to myself.......... i see life in diffrent perspectives from now
-being rejected by "MY SWEET CRUSH" trigged my will to chase away my anger.
-now am 21.. i admitt am scared....i am entering the adults game...where there are alot of committments and responsibilities......my tummy butterflies everytime i wanna planned what is my next agenda or mission..... i just can't think....am figuring out what is life
-but since i started my new year with a positive energy i hope it's a good sign for me in 2009 and future
-i will continue to try to be a better humanbeing rather than perfecting it
-so many hopes and dreams i had in mind
-i have little projects to work on
-LIFE ups and down is just like maths..... it's a pratice and learnt from your mistakes......to get good grades....keep on figuring untill you've made it
- i hope you my readers had an option or other alternatively way to release your negative inner side.... might be diffrent than mine.....understands you body.... be alone sometime....

:friends& readers- TQ if you had read this i appreciate it alot..... hope i shared some valuable and helpfull facts: life education has no certicates but it's a basic need to be able to survive and live better: